It’s way too early for this, but I had an epiphany this morning at approximately 7:30. More often than not, I wake up between 7:30-8 every morning. I know you’re thinking big deal so does everyone with a job. The big deal is that I don’t set an alarm; the earliest I usually work is 2, so I don’t need to. So I’m just waking up in the wee hours of the morning because I/my body want to. You know who else gets up early when they don’t have to? OLD PEOPLE. Old people who do shop at Ann Taylor and wear turtlenecks. People who drink black coffee and read the paper and balance check books.
Ergo, I am old and here is proof.
- I watch HGTV (on purpose).
- I’m getting senile. Just yesterday I was annoyed by kids playing football in front of my house because they were being loud. Children having fun… the horror.
- I’ve started to reevaluate my closet. Am I too old for this giraffe-print t-shirt?
- I’m cold all of the time.
- I remind my boyfriend of things like cholesterol and sodium content.
- I drink 2 beers and have a headache the next day.
- I would rather watch HGTV than drink beer.
- I think staying home on the weekends to do home improvement projects sounds fun.
- I like cleaning.
- I’m so much more logical. “Do I really need to drive into town for 1 thing? That seems like a waste of gas. I’ll just wait.”
- In reference to buying a new car next year: I really want a Jeep, but I’ll probably end up with something practical, like a Kia.
- In further reference to a Jeep “can you fit a car seat in the back?”
- As noted above, the thought of reproducing isn’t the absolute worst thing in the world anymore.
Etc. etc, the list goes on. I’ve always wondered when I had to turn in my skinny jeans for khakis with an elastic waist band, and my trashy reality TV for soap operas, but I never imagined it would be this soon. I thought shopping at Forever 21 was kind of unspoken agreement, like, I really would stay 21-ish forever. LIARS!
Furthermore, I don’t know what Ke$ha is doing right, but I do not wake up feelin like P. Diddy. I wake up feeling like I need my back adjusted and a strong cup of coffee.
I’m off to watch Live! with Kelly & Michael and clean. Sigh.